I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
