so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
