Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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