Nicole vs. Life
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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