I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
