well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
