Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
