# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
