Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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