I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
