i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
