Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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