Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
