you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
