how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
