No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
