A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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