The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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