told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
