Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
