just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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