so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
