Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
