Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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