After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
