I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just blew my weed a kiss
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
