belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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