Screwed.edu
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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