quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
