Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
