I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
