Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
