gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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