fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize