you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i drank out of a bidet.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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