i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
