Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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