We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
