obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
