i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
