I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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