fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
