We're like a lot better than the average bears
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
