Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
