You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
