Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
