weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
