What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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