It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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