i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
