Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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