New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Randomize
