if you like me you must not know who I am
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
