it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
