is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
