yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she looked like the before picture.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
