My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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