I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize