She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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