She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
