If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
