So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
