Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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