They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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