just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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