Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
