I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
