Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you never un-have a 4some
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
