i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
