Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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