Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
