Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
