i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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