I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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