Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
