Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
